On good days and bad

Thursday was a good day. So was Friday. Good stuff happening with work, Mitzvah the Dog is jumping up and down like a puppy and the hideous Miami humidity and downright hotness not as hideous as usual. And some other stuff.

So what's the bad? After a really cool meeting the other day I picked up the phone and dialed Brian. I wanted to tell him my good stories. Especially the ones that involved his friends and mine and represented victory over the green meanies that sometimes surround me.

Gosh I miss my brother.

But the good days will eventually outnumber the bad. I'll always have to resist picking up the phone and calling him. Cause he can't answer any more. He'd sure like some of the funny stories.

But I made a donation to Elliott's classroom project in his memory and made my appointments for my annual checkups. It's how I can honor my brother.

Maybe this week will be better.

On challenges much greater than just an icebucket

I shared an office space with Nanci Ryder a whole long time ago in West Hollywood. We were young and one of the incredibly cool things about her was that Michael J. Fox was her client so he hung out in our space a whole lot. But as you'll learn, she is all of that and so much more.

Over the years we lost touch with one another, except for the inevitable Facebook friendship. 

Yesterday I read this article. Nanci has been diagnosed with ALS. Thanks to the Ice Bucket Challenge, pretty much everyone on the planet Earth, including even Alabama, now knows about this insidious disease.

So many of the bright lights in my life have been shut down too soon. My heart breaks for Nanci. Please read this article and keep her in your prayers as she bravely faces the future. 

On tattoos and dreams

Last night I had a whole bunch of very odd dreams. Nothing specific. Just odd. But I kept waking up and the dreams were over.

This morning I realized that for the past 20 months my life has felt like one odd and unpleasant dream but somehow I can't seem to wake up.

Sorry that's all for today. More self indulgant than usual. In a couple of hours I will be enjoying one of Miami Beach's coolest attractions the Wallcast at the New World Symphony.

My tattoo turned two last Monday. I guess it's safe to give blood. 

On grief and moving on

Today is Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur means "Day of Atonement," and that pretty much explains what this day is. It is a day set aside to atone for the sins of the past year. For me it is a day when I am finally allowing myself to reflect on this past year and all that has happened and to wonder exactly what sins I have to atone for that bring me to this Yom Kippur. Because all I am really feeling is sadness and grief and loss. And frankly a whole lot of anger.

This picture is me and my brother Brian back in May 2008. It was, if I recall, the day that Meredith graduated from medical school at Nova. It was certainly a happy time. Before we lost Dad, before we lost Brian, before my professional world turned upside down. Before my personal world turned right side up and then upside down. Elliott was about to graduate from high school. Yes it was a happy time. And if my memory serves me correctly I didn't appreciate how much happiness I took for granted back in 2008. Maybe that is the sin I am finally having to atone for.

Now, 6+ years later I find myself wondering exactly how I move on from this past year or two. As I write this I realize that I don't know the answer but that I have to figure it out.

I read a New Year's greeting on some random person's Facebook page "may the best of this past year be the worst of your next year" or words to that effect. 

Hope that is true and as I atone for what ever sin or sins, real or imagined, that I may have committed over these past years, I do wish that will be enough to make this coming year a little better.